This is my 50th #SinfulSunday submission since I began in January last year with this post.
Now that isn’t a particularly long time, but it is a significant period. A lot of things, some good, some not so much, have happened in that time. I have got to “know” a number of you very well and I’ve been privileged to meet Big Miss Naughty, Exposing 40, Honey and The Other Livvy, and hopefully I will meet more of you in the future (I had hoped to meet many of you at Eroticon, but sadly, for a number of reasons, that isn’t to be). I’ve seen participants and bloggers come and go (some have even done both); so it is perhaps understandable that a certain amount of self-reflection goes on as I look back, and forward.
I’m not going to bore you with the details of my mental health concerns. The majority of you will already be acquainted with them and, while I sometimes express my thoughts on them in this blog, this isn’t really the post for it.
Some have noticed my recent “quietness” on Twitter. For me, Twitter has always had a kind of Jekyll and Hyde duality. On the one hand, it can be like having the world’s greatest support group at your fingertips. My followers and the friends I have made through this platform have helped me through some very dark times in my life.
At other times, because we are a very open community, we can, perhaps be guilty of oversharing our woes. I am no exception. When you are already low, seeing the suffering of others that you care about can increase your own pain, making Twitter a very difficult place to stay.
For me, that’s kind of where I am just now. My mood is not good, my blogging mojo has all but disappeared, and while I am eternally grateful to the support that is given so freely, I am aware of the burden it also places.
So for now, at least, I am contented to lurk, to hide in the shadows, to regroup and regather. I’ve been here before. The worst thing is the knowing that one day, I will inevitably be here again.
So, I reflect on the good that my participation in this community has brought me and, when I can, try to focus on the good that will, I am certain, come from it again.
For now however, there is a need for space for myself. This isn’t a farewell, this is not my final post. I just may not be quite as active a participant for a while.